when I was in high school I got good grades because I wanted good grades. I really really wanted to do well. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted to know that I was putting forth my best effort in school. I didn't want to settle for less than what was my best... and my best usually was an A. unless we were in a science or math class, then... well... I was content with a B. a B was fine. haha :)
now I'm in college. yay.
my grades are totally shot. I don't know what happened other than I lost focus and floundered around in the world. that sounds like I might be trying to give myself some lame excuse, as though my lowered grade point average is not my fault. I know it's completely my fault.
and now I'm about to transfer to another school. and my grades aren't good. I hate it. I'm ashamed. I think I've been in denial for these past couple of years... I've been distracted, had horrible priorities, and didn't care about school. and now I have to transfer. there's this tight constricting in my throat, and a strange pain in my lungs, and I feel like my head is spinning...
I have to face the idea that I might get rejected by the school that I decide to transfer to. I might seriously get rejected... and what will I do if I couldn't continue on to a university? what will I do? 'cause I can pray all I want and that won't change my GPA. I can study all I can... that won't change the last few semesters of my life.
I'm filled with shame, regret, and anxiety.
God, I give this situation up to you... because I know that there is no way I'll be able to make it on my own. I'm meeting with the Cypress counselor next Wednesday. hopefully that'll go well. hopefully they'll say that I can transfer. hopefully it'll all go alright.
I'm so scared.
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